The Phone Call

“Think like a criminal to beat them at their own game” ⁠— Frank Abagnale Jr

Hello?

Hello?

Am I speaking to the householder, Mr Sinclair?

Yes, you are.

Mr Sinclair, I’m from the Government Energy Agency. I understand that you recently had new loft insulation installed.

Yes?

Mr Sinclair, you are at great risk.

That sounds bad.

Yes, Mr Sinclair. Don’t worry though. We are here to help.

I see.

Your loft insulation contains glass fibres and pathogens that are very dangerous.  We have been commissioned to advise householders how to remedy this.

I’m sorry, it’s a bad line - could you repeat that?

I’m telling you, Mr Sinclair, there’s a health hazard in your house.

Gosh, that sounds awful! I’ve six young children - I feel really anxious about them now.

Yes, Mr Sinclair. We can arrange a survey and currently have inspectors in your area this week. Would Thursday morning be convenient?

Is there any charge for this service?

As I said, Mr Sinclair, we work with the government.

So if you find a problem, can you replace the insulation?

Yes, we have a fully qualified team of installation engineers. Our surveyor will explain all this to you. Shall I say 10am on Thursday?

All funded by the government?

Ah, there could be a small charge, Mr Sinclair, if you choose to go for the full cost reduced package. Our surveyor will explain on Thursday.

Just one more question….

Yes?

Can I speak to your mother?

Pardon?

I just wondered if she was proud of you?

This is nothing to do with my mother!

I know that if my mother had spent twenty years scrimping and saving, sacrificing her life, to bring me up proper, and I had turned into bastard scammer like you, then she would be turning in her grave.

Click.

After all the isolation of the last year, it’s nice when people ring you up to have a chat.